If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
