roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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