we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
