Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
