come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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