Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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