And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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