OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
