i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
