Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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