does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
