So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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