you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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