How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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