I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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