There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
