i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
