Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
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His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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