new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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