Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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