We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
