I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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