I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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