don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
