i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
