Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
