I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
