just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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