Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
