if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
as a side note pls kill me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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