I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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