Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
