Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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