my phone needs a breathalizer
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
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i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
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We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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