and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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