Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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