I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
