apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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