Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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