Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
