This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
