when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
