remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
