she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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