you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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