Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
