No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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