My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
