I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
