is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
