I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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