Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
