It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
