you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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