I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
