I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
