I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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