Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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