I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
