I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
