just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
