Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
