My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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