i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
