I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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