I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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