Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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