Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
